February 8, 2018
Link uses an array of tools and equipment across many different games, dating from the late 80’s to present day. Every last tool or piece of equipment he obtains is absolutely necessary to him and his quest for peace in Hyrule. Not only are certain pieces required, but they also make an otherwise long and arduous journey, fun and easier. In light of this, I had a thought: What if I could use some of those items to make my life more fun and easier? So, below I have created a list of five tools from The Legend of Zelda franchise that I think would be useful in actuality.
1. The Power Bracelet/Gauntlet/Titan’s Glove – Multiple Appearances
As a guy who loves to strength train, this item was a no brainer for me. It would be nice to be able to lift giant boulders (which I cannot) without having to spend hours training in a gym, destroying all my joints. You could seriously get a lot of work done, without much effort here. Perhaps I wouldn’t use it to clear a boulder from my path, but I would use this in my daily strides, to make my life much easier and much more fun. Want to arm wrestle? Sure! Show off in the gym? Yeah sounds fun! Oh and that bully in school? Psshhh! This item is a definite.
2. Pegasus Boots – Multiple Appearances
If being stronger is number one on my list, then being faster has to be my number two. Thinking back on my childhood and teenage years, there were many-a-day, that I wished I were faster. From racing kids on my block for the fun of it, to playing pickup basketball and football games, to just trying to get somewhere faster, the Pegasus Boots would have been the answer. And with these boots jumping across creeks or even rivers would be a piece of cake. That is a feature that I would not take for granted as I most often made a splash, when I used to think I could make it to the other side of a stream. Also, if you need to getaway in a hurry, lace these babies up, and you’ll outrun man and animal alike. I could definitely put these to some good use. PF Flyers, eat your heart out.
3. Recorder/Flute/Irene’s Bell – The Legend of Zelda/A Link to the Past/A Link between worlds
If flying is not an option, then give me one of these tools as a replacement. Instantly travel to work, to school, to a friend’s house, to a store, or wherever you want. Okay, so you might be limited to traveling to some weather vanes. But that isn’t too big of a deal. Just place your own weather vanes wherever you want to travel, and viola, instant transmission! The time saved while using one of these is worth more than it’s weight in gold. Live across country from your parents? No big deal. Want to go to see your significant other, who’s currently off to college three states away? Okay, I’ll just ring this bell here and be transported within moments. I wish I could have this when I was dating. My girlfriend lived in another country for one year! Skype was all we had. With one of these tools though, being together everyday could have been a cinch.
4. Sail Cloth/Para Glider – Skyward Sword/Breath of the Wild
Before these two items came about, I would have never felt safe about gliding three thousand feet down from the top of a mountain. However, with either one of these, gifts from a God, I would feel safe and secure. Imagine hanging out with friends at the top of a mountain, and just being like, “well see you guys later,” whip out a sail cloth, and head straight to the bottom. Once you get there, you look up, wave to the people who still have their mouth’s wide open in awe, and hop in your car and leave. For once in my life, I think I’d finally make an effort to go hiking, to actually seek out tall mountaintops, just to fly down. This one would be pretty cool.
5. Magic Cape – A Link To The Past
To this point, I have included items that could have more practical uses, but could still be fun. This last one is more of a novelty item, though it could be practical as well. Let’s be honest though, anyone who could go invisible doesn’t have practicality in mind. It would likely be used to play jokes, to grab cash or goods from a bank or store, or most of all, used to go into the women’s locker room. I wouldn’t mind using this to go into my boss’s office and listen in on what he really thinks of me. Or crash a few meetings at the White House. Perhaps I’d sneak into a kitchen and see if they are “holding the spit.” You’d have to be careful though, the invisibility is time limited. But there is still plenty of fun to be had, before it runs out. This one is a must have for me and the possibilities are endless!
The reason I did not include the beloved Hookshot – Multiple Appearances:
I did not include the Hookshot in this list, simply because of physics. In the many Zelda games, where Link uses the Hookshot, Link is pulled straight across to the other platform in which he has fired upon, usually holding on by only one hand. There are two things here that I don’t foresee happening with this tool in real life. The first is that many people cannot support their own body weight, when free hanging off anything, let alone the tiny grip the Hookshot offers. I consider myself a pretty strong guy, but hanging one handed off a bar is not an easy task. I believe this task would be much harder when trying to hold on for a ride across a platform, or even more so, while traveling up, against gravity. Holding on would pose a problem for a lot of people, one or two-handed. Secondly, have you ever seen anyone tie a rope around a tree and swing from it? Does the rope and person go straight across, or does the rope bend and the person swing? Think about that when the Hookshot connects to the other side. Will you be drug straight across, or will you go flying into the wall, that’s below the platform you’ve connected to, before being drug up to the top? I wouldn’t want to take that risk!
I also did not include any item that can make Link travel through time or across dimensions. Messing with father time is too dangerous. The implications are uncertain and could have dire consequences. I also feel traveling across dimensions is a power that should only be left to the Hero of Time. The uncertainty and implications thereof, are not something I want to be responsible for.
Have an item/tool you’d have on your list that’s not on mine? Let me know about it in the comment section!